Sunday, April 6, 2014

A Face of Cancer

Brown Women's Rhinestone Floppy Sun Hat

This spring has held a few firsts for me. The first mother-daughter trip in a long while. The first stressful year-end evaluation with my principal in a new public school (I think I survived and will be hired back for another year). The makings of the first set of plans for sending my daughter to college. These events had all been anticipated. I'd been able to prepare.

What I hadn't planned on was becoming a statistic, on joining a couple million other Americans this year in being diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma. I was given the news as "good news" over the phone. Basal cell carcinoma is slow growing, I'd been told, and usually just requires an outpatient cosmetic surgery. This description left me feeling fine, unconcerned. Then I went in for a follow-up to make sure there weren't other spots of concern on my skin. It was during this visit that I was dealt the bad news -- and the reality of being diagnosed with a cancer, an actual cancer, set in.

Because the first thing I realized was that my "basal cell carcinoma" was pictured on a handy poster of skin cancers on the examining room door. Basal cell carcinoma sat right next to melanoma, the more concerning type. But these "slow-growing" basal cell photos also showed rouge cancerous cells breaking off from the group, identical to those breaking off from melanoma group, apparently in order to move freely about my body and set up shop wherever they wished.

Still, I felt unconcerned, or wanted to anyway. After all, when the doctor had removed the concerning patch of skin from my cheek where it rested alongside my nose for biopsy a couple weeks before, all that remained was a light pink spot. I'd figured it'd been removed in its entirety.

"That's the bad news about this type of cancer," the doctor said. "What we removed is like a tip of an iceberg. It grows like an iceberg, or an upside mushroom; so even though we removed the tip and even though it's slow growing, there's no telling how far it has spread under the top layers of skin until we start cutting and removing in the surgery.  And we won't stop until it's all gone."

And of course that where the stories began -- the personal experiences people want to share. The doctor told me of her sister, who had been through the same sort of thing. What started out as a tiny inconspicuous patch like mine, ended up being the size of a silver dollar by the time they had removed all the tissue. Her point wasn't to scare me, she said, but to tell me that the scar was hardly noticeable now. The cosmetic surgeons are very good she said. "That is why we send you to them."

Another person told me of his father. "He was gone a year later," he said, shaking his head. "Don't wait on getting it taken care of." Then he half-smiled. "Just wait until after our big track meet coming up. We'll need you," he joked. (I'm an assistant track coach).

Another person told me of a friend who has had numerous basal cell spots removed, leaving me with images of holes all over my face. "She's fine," she assured me. "She gets them removed all the time. She's a lot older than you, though. You're young for this." 

And the stories continue to come.

Please don't tell me stories. I know they need to be told. I just don't want to hear them. Not yet. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the epitome of a "living in the moment" type of person. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the epitome of what it means to be "empathetic." I will feel every cut, every bruise, every hurtful experience that is relayed to me. I am overly sensitive that way. When my daughter tore her ACL in soccer and couldn't walk, suddenly, I was in pain in the same knee and had trouble walking myself. This continued for the duration of her injury. She thought I was nuts. So did I -- although I had been injured in a similar way when I was about her age, so it almost made sense to think that I knew what she was feeling. Almost.

But mostly, I am not a good planner. I don't relish the idea of contemplating alternative realities that may not ever occur, particularly those that may bring hardship. And right now, I'm enjoying a homemade cup coffee -- vanilla latte, actually. And despite how un-vanilla latte it appears, because I lack most of the equipment required in making such a concoction -- I am still telling myself I'm enjoying it.  So that is how it is, in my life, right now, at the moment.

Thankfully, my kids don't have stories to tell. They don't have concerns either. They call my basal cell carcinoma "a condition," jokingly, to help lighten our nerves, I suppose. The reality is that we won't know how it will all be until after it's all done. And I suppose they have always known me to be strong, resilient, and able to come up with a reason to laugh or at least smile, even after the darkest of moments, even when I don't want to. I suppose that's why I am going to bring a few photos along with me to surgery, just in case the surgeon finds himself needing to use more cosmetic skills than he was bargaining for, or even if he just finds himself feeling an immediate urge to practice. Maybe he'll view me as a good specimen. A free nose-job thrown in the deal might be nice. After all, I'd been thinking that the concerning side of my face with the "condition" was getting puffy and needed to be fixed anyhow. Plus, it'll be my birthday. So it could be a gift. Right on time.

... What do you think about Jennifer Anniston ... or Gweneth Paltrow ... or Natalie Portman ... just to name a few? They'll be loaded on my phone, for easy access in high definition.

The point of this post isn't to scare. It's to help remind you to prepare to avoid getting skin cancer--even the non-concerning types. Wear your sunscreen. Wear your hats. Get your yearly skin checks, even if you think you're young. I did all these things, but probably not as well as I could. I've always considered myself to be a normal-looking person, with normal routines. But I suppose I could have done better.

When you're done preparing, enjoy the best life has to offer.

I know I'll keep being a mom; I'll keep being a teacher; I'll keep being a writer. Only I'll keep being these things with a bigger set of hats and sunbrellas, and hopefully not feeling like I have to hide the face with this cancer.
 

Friday, April 4, 2014

Signs of Spring

 
The gray hues of winter finally released their grip last week, and I found myself lured out into the yard to begin spring clean up.  Once again I was pleasantly rewarded to see bursts of color poking up from last year's dead growth, which I had left behind. Our new kitten named Sky chased after her first buzzing insect, and thankfully didn't do too much damage to the new flowers she was pouncing on in the process. Sandhill cranes also kept me company as they sang their calls far overhead. They had returned from their winter feeding grounds.




These signs of spring fueled my hope that my yard may also serve as an analogy to my writing projects.  When I return to the manuscripts I've been scribbling away at all winter and carefully hone them with an editorial eye, I might be able to bright out something bright and beautiful as well.

Happy spring!

 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Kindle Highlights - a useful tool and much more

I'm a bit slow when it comes to technology. I've had my Kindle for nearly 2 years I believe, and only recently did I become aware of how to actually use the highlighting tool. Of course, it should come as no surprise that I DID KNOW this tool existed. And what's even more silly is how I first became aware of it. I'd come across a quote that readers had highlighted from The Ghost in Me, and it brought me pause because I didn't really remember writing those words. BUT obviously I had, because there they were, noted clear-as-day by other readers.

And here it is, as I saw it on Amazon.


Popular Highlights (What's this?)                
   
  1. “We all have our beginnings, Myri. We are born with them, and we die with them, too. We carry them with us wherever we go. They keep our future open and unwritten… like blank pages waiting to be filled at the beginning of a journal, or those that lie waiting at the end of a book.”
    15 Highlighters    
    After the initial confusion passed, the realization of my reality was followed by another equally silly idea, as I went on to think, Well that's pretty cool. I actually wrote that.

    Uh, yeah.

    As I said, I can be a bit slow, or daft, or absent-minded at times. But I'll also give myself some benefit of the doubt by saying that my life is full. I'm busy with my own kids--not to mention 180 other high school biology students, so it tends to be full of distractions. Plus, it seems perfectly reasonable that words I've strung together in the past have been shuffled to the side in order to make way for the new books that are working their way into the creative space occupying my mind.

    But back to the point of this post: Kindle Highlighter as a Tool. For those that have to read and write analytical papers on novels, this is a handy way to keep track of text that moves you or relates to your paper topic. Other blog posts and web articles are available on how these highlighted texts can be downloaded by Kindle readers for use in such papers.

    Kindle Highlighter also serves as another communication tool that readers can use, because readers can share text (just be kind and avoid sharing spoilers). For example, I was able to tweet a short passage that I liked recently as I was reading The Dress by Sophie Nicholls. Here is the tweet I sent, courtesy of Amazon as I was highlighting the prose on my kindle>

    TWEET: Passages like these are just simply beautiful to read. And the author does this again and again:     
    Ella watched her disappear then, watched her gaze travel far away, out into the air somewhere above her head, where she imagined that she could almost feel the shape of the past shimmering and pulsing for a moment. -- The Dress by Sophie Nicholls

    I also noticed that my kindle offers subtle highlights on popular passages that have been selected by other readers. I can see these in the background of the prose as I'm reading. It was neat to pause and reflect on how this lovely novel was connecting with others, and if we were have similar or different experiences with the book.

    All in all, if you are a student who has to write an analytical paper, or a reader who simply likes to share books you like, the Kindle Highlighter offers another interested way to connect with other readers.

    I look forward to seeing how I use kindle highlighter in more of the ebooks I read, both as a reader and a highlighter.  

    Sunday, February 2, 2014

    Better Pasta Salad and Music for Sunday (pre-SuperBowl Sunday)

    It's Superbowl Sunday! Are you ready for all the activity? I've found some beautiful Native American Flute Music for you to enjoy this morning as you get ready for the day ahead.

    Before the game I am hoping to get some snowshoeing activity in with my daughter. But first I'm sure I'll be busy prepping some sort of food for the festivities and the week ahead. One of those is a Pasta Salad. This is a great dish to share with a group of people you are hoping to impress. Better yet, you can bring any leftovers with you to work for a simple lunch. As a teacher, I am always looking for simple but satisfying (and no, a Snickers bar just doesn't cut it despite what the commercials say).

    So, if you're looking for a great and easy meal, scroll down to the recipe below. It takes about 30 minutes to make from start to finish. It can be served fresh-made with hint of warm still lingering, or chilled after being set in the fridge.

     Enjoy!

     

    Better Pasta Salad

    Ingredients:
    8 ounces of BowTie pasta (1/2 of a 16 ounce bag)
    6-8 ounces of broccoli (frozen or fresh)
    1/4 of a red onion, chopped
    1/2 cup cranberry raisins (crasins)
    1/2 cup slivered almonds
    6 strips of cooked bacon (chopped) OR 1/4 lb deli ham (sliced for sandwiched and then chopped by you)
    1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
    1/4 cup grated mozzarella cheese

    Dressing:
    1 cup mayonnaise
    2 Tablespoons apple cider vinegar
    2 Tablespoons sugar (I use pure raw sugar seen in the photo here, but granulated works just as well)

    salt/pepper, sprinkled to taste

    Instructions:
    Cook the pasta until just tender, drain and set in your salad bowl.
    Cook the broccoli until just tender as well (don't let it get mushy or too soft). Drain the broccoli and add to the pasta in the bowl.


    If you are using bacon, cook that as desired, then cool and chop.
    Or, if you are like me and prefer a less fatty, ready made meat, go for the deli ham and chop that up instead. Add the meat to the pasta bowl.
    Add the remaining ingredients (onion, almonds, cheeses) add stir together.


    In a separate bowl, mix the mayonnaise, vinegar and sugar with spoon until smooth. Pour this over the ingredients in the pasta bowl and mix to distribute throughout the salad.

    Top with a bit of fresh ground black pepper and salt to taste.

    Chill or serve as is.

    Serves about 8 generous portions.


    Sunday, January 26, 2014

    Music for Sunday

    Apparently, I need to start getting back into the habit of posting music for Sundays on a regular basis, if I want to stay in the loop of the Indie music scene. The first music video I am sharing below is a prime example of one good reason why. ... >>> I had no idea Chase Kimball could sing! He has such an amazing voice, which complements singer/songwriter Keiyana Osmond so well. You see, this young man used to be a playmate of my daughter's, and they began toddling around the neighborhood when they were 3 and 4. Plus, I love Maroon 5, so it all adds up to a perfect pleasant little surprise.


    I've featured Keiyana's original music video previously, Dancin on a Wire here.

    The other music video I am sharing for Sunday features a blend of classical music and loons. Yes, those beautiful, haunting melodies of one of Earth's most ancient birds. These are the sounds that I wake up to on summer mornings in New Hampshire. They also help tuck in the evening at the end of a good day. I miss hearing their songs immensely, and can not wait until I return to Lake Winnipesaukee once again. Jim Irwin's music with loons is also a nod to the latest novel I am working on, set in New Hampshire. I hope to have it done by summer's end. Enjoy!




    Wednesday, January 22, 2014

    My Cherokee Connection

    My great-great-great grandmother was Cherokee. 100% through and through.

    For years I have wondered what to do with this information. Can I really claim this ancestry as a part of me?

    From the time I was very young--before I even knew of my Cherokee connection--I held a strong affinity for Native Americans. I poured over their photographs held in timeless, old bound books I found in libraries, wishing at times, I could somehow seep into the pages. I read their stories told in childhood storybooks. And I admired their reverence for nature, and the inherent respect they held for taking care of the land. Sure, they may have fought with other tribes from time to time -- they are human, after all -- but they seemed to carve out a meaningful existence within their environment and a lived with a reverent respect for higher beings and for each other. I liked that.

    It wasn't until I was in college that I found out I actually had Native American genes running through my blood; and when I learned this information, I felt guilty. After all, the other European ancestry that I carry along with me was at least in some way or another responsible for the eradication of entire Native American cultures from our country. I didn't feel worthy to hold such a connection.

    A Cherokee Rose
    Now that I'm older, I feel an overwhelming sense of curiosity about my Cherokee grandmother. What was she like? What made her turn back from the Trail of Tears and settle down and marry a man from Tennessee? Because according to family stories, she actually was a part of the Trail of Tears relocation. Did she bring other family members back to Tennessee with her? Did she leave the Trail to go back to others who had somehow been left behind? Did she even leave her Cherokee nation willfully and the new "home" to which it was being forced to move to? Whatever her journey, I'm sure that the path she took wasn't without loss or some kind of another, and once again that makes me feel sad. Yet, she did stay with our family. Her family, in order to farm in the mountains of Tennessee. And she had many children. The fact that some of those children went on to fight with the Union army in the Civil War leads me to believe that some of her values and insights might have had an effect on their decision on which side to stand. After all, Tennessee was part of the Confederacy. The sons that joined the war most certainly saw and knew battle before they even got a taste of it, because most of the Civil War battles took place in Tennessee, second only to Virginia. So, it wasn't like they didn't know what they were getting into. Yet, those sons of a Cherokee mother choose to fight against those who held slaves--people who were forced from their homelands, against their will. They chose to fight to help ensure the freedom of a culture that was different from their own. For this, I feel grateful. And I admire their bravery.

    Someday I hope to have a clearer understanding of my Cherokee heritage and the woman who so far, has left only a few discernible footprints that are few and far between. 

    If you'd like to learn a bit more about Cherokee history and the Trail of Tears, go here. It's an easy site to get around. Thank you for visiting!

    Sunday, January 5, 2014

    Happy New Year! 2014 Resolutions and Revelations

    Okay, so I'm a few days late and many dollars short, given that I've just been whirled through the holidays by teens that have an insatiable thirst for activities that involve dips into my wallet where they believe lies an unlimited stash of cash. Ha! That's all I will say on the matter.

    But since it is 2014, I thought I'd share a couple revelations and resolutions I've dug up in the past few days of the new year.

    First, some new activities are apparently in order. My first dream of the new year was the curious nightmare of my being drafted onto the National Men's All-Star Basketball Team. Curious, yes, especially since I have never in my life played a serious game of basketball outside of PIG, HORSE, and Around the World--and I must add, never once did I ever win one of those. The self-respecting basketball-playing-brother with whom I did play in my younger years never allowed it. Which lends perfect sense to the ending to the aforementioned curious nightmare of the new year, where the dream-team captain suggested I start things off with hitting the court to practice some simple lay-ups.

    Simple? This is me we are talking about. And it never ceased to boggle the mind (especially that of my 6-foot-4 basketball-playing dad) as to how I could jump onto the back of any good-natured horse within reach, but couldn't dribble a ball and manage to hop and shoot at the same time. Go figure.

    Being one to never walk away from digging up the meaning of vivid dreams like this, I think I finally can say that its foundation lies in two realities. One: the fact that lately I've been watching basketball games while I run on the treadmill at the gym. This always makes time fly since the game moves too fast for me to keep track of, combined with the fact that I only have a screen to view, but no commentary to fill me in on what is going on. (No, I don't like the feeling of ear buds in my ears). So I am left running in a state of perpetual confusion and distraction -- which is a good thing, if you really don't want to know where you are at in terms of distance traveled or calories burned.

    And Two: I've come to the resolution to begin seriously writing again, and since I've been out of the serious writing game for more than a couple years for more than a couple tumultuous reasons that deserve no fleshing out here -- we're all human, so you can fill in whatever details you'd like -- I am definitely going to have to start easing back in to writing with the basics. Although I do hope it is more like riding a bike, rather than learning to play a new sport like professional basketball.

    Now that I've shared this resolution, I feel like I'm stepping out on to a stage, and since I've already been published and should have made a bit more progress by now, I kind of feel like the world will be watching. (But since my world is relatively small, maybe it actually won't be all that bad).

    Now on to revelations. First of all, my friend Rick pointed out that 2014 is the year of the Valentine, due to the fact that it is made up of those two numbers that pinpoint that annual day of love: 2 and 14. So, that is good. I'm all for love, and now I will be reminded of it every day all year long, thanks to the astute and positive outlook of my friend Rick Walton (who happens to also be an amazing and talented children's writer -- go on, google his name for yourself, and treat a little person in your life to one of his awesome creations.)


    The second revelation came to me in a chain email from my mom, who was hoping that by sharing it would bring her lots of good luck. Time will tell in that regard, but I'm sharing the tidbit of info gleaned here (and since I didn't forward the email, perhaps this will count in not breaking the chain and dousing my life with bad luck): The upcoming month of August will have 5 full weekends! This is not a common occurrence apparently. So if you like your weekends, then August will be a happy month for you. And if you're not like me, you'll probably want to start planning now~

    There you have it. A resolution and a couple revelations. I feel like my welcoming in of the new year is now complete.

    Happy Valentine's Year! (And feel free to share your own resolutions and/or revelations here. Because honestly, if I were to put my own items to a list, it would be rather short.)