Tuesday, August 14, 2012

My Children Want Me to Die!

Okay, maybe I'm over-reacting.

They only want me to lose weight.
Just a little weight.
Weight that only has to add up to one inch off my waist line.

The problem?

The way they want me to lose that inch may do me in.

How?

They want me to take the Special K Challenge.

You know, the one where I happily eat a bowl of full of air, I mean Special K flakes each morning, and then whallah! I'm find myself dancing a week or two later with a tape measure wrapped effortlessly around my skinnier, slimmer waist.

The catch?

Of course there's a catch.
If I register and share the stats of my pre- and post-Special K diet waistline with the on-line world, I could win! Or rather, my kids could win! (By default.) Because they are assuming that I would take them with me on that all-expense paid trip to HAWAII. They are assuming that I am dreaming of us ALL dancing together on beautiful beaches dressed in nothing but grass skirts, bikinis, and tape measures!

The risk? Of course there's a risk. Did you not read the title of this post?

Of course you did!

The risk is within Special K itself. Consider what I am being asked to eat. Have you ever held a fistful of Special K in your hands? Go ahead. Refresh your senses! What do you feel?

If you are like me, you feel a whole lot of NOTHING!.

In fact, I propose that if you were to capture air and wrap it up in a bit of sugar-puff, this is what it would feel like. Air with substance. Not much substance mind you, but if air were to retain it's air-like qualities while gaining a touch of substance, Special K would be right on target. Technologically advanced air!

Which begs the question, Why are food companies making products that they want us to buy while asking us to eat less? How is it possible that food companies get people to buy technologically and re-packaged air put forth as food?

I've always breathed air, but I've never made a habit of eating it.

Hmmm. Maybe that's the trick here. Maybe the health/obesity/diabetes epidemic on our planet can be solved if we all evolve toward eating air....

But I digress. Back to our fistfull of Special K cereal.

While you've got your fistful of technologically advanced air, let's stir things up a bit. Go ahead and blow on those flakes. Or take a walk outside on a breezy, go-fly-a-kite kind of day.

Did those flakes take flight?

Mine did. And I'm thinking I could probably use Special K flakes to demonstrate the properties of aerodynamic lift in my physics class next term.... That is, if I survive that long. After all, after a week of eating Special K, I might be blowing away in the wind just like those flakes.

Wait a minute. That could be what I'm after. Maybe after a week of Special K I'll be able to blow myself all the way to HAWAII. Like a balloon. Like a pretty blow-up doll. One with an hour-glass waist.

Wow, the very thought almost makes me feel like I'm HULA dancing on air.... In a one-size fits all grass skirt.

8 comments:

  1. Loved your article - it put a smile on my face before my long day! All of the marketing ploys - they never end! Fortunately, a humorous article takes the edge off. And I won't be having Special K this morning! :)

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  2. I properly laughed out loud when I read your article! A fist full of Special K does, in fact, feel like nothing and would blow away on a breezy day. I don't know how one survives replacing meals with the stuff, but to each her own. I will continue to enjoy my egg-white omelet, each morning! :o)

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  3. That makes me happy to hear. That was my intent -- to share a laugh and a smile. Thanks for letting me know!

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  4. OK, you are hilarious, Shaunda! Welcome to the BBT Cafe. I am very much looking forward to hearing what you decide to do. All my best, Rana

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  5. Thank you, Rana! I love your Little Pickle Press! The covers make me want to dive right in!

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  6. This is hysterical. Yes, Special K is a whole lot of nothing with a wee, repeat, wee bit of fiber and more sugar than I eat. You put this into context. Thanks for the early morning giggle.

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  7. Loved your post. If a handful of Special K leaves you hungry, could you eat the whole box? It's really just fluffy air.

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  8. Hmmmm. Good point, Helen. Maybe you have nailed the economics and marketing strategy behind every success brand of cereal. They are driving us to consume caseloads of them, in order to sustain our [[[shrinking]]] waistlines! ;)

    I'm glad both you and Betsy started your day with a smile...

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